▣ Love Me Tender...Part 3. Love
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Part 3. Love…
For starters, most of us do not understand or know how to define love. We speak about flowers, diamond rings, a beautiful home, a faithful spouse, children, and so on. However, these are how we define “conditional” love, e.g., if you...
Part 3. Love…
For starters, most of us do not understand or know how to define love. We speak about flowers, diamond rings, a beautiful home, a faithful spouse, children, and so on. However, these are how we define “conditional” love, e.g., if you loved me, you would bring me flowers, buy me jewelry, buy me a big house, remember my birthday/anniversary/name; you would call me two times a day; you would not let me scrub the kitchen floor; you would/would not … (fill in the blank). OR, you would say, “I love you because you take me out to dinner every week;” or because you keep the house so clean or because you… (again - fill in the blank).
“The first cardinal virtue manifests itself as unconditional love and respect for ourselves and other beings. When we revere all of life, the desire to interfere, dominate, or control anyone is nonexistent.”
Part 3 is about “unconditional” love. Unconditional love is love without conditions. This definition conjures up the question, “what do you mean by ‘without conditions’?” Well, simply put, “no strings attached.”
Forgiveness indicates a willingness to allow love to expand or at least re-enter into your life (JARs/unconscious). Think of your JAR as being like a closet where you keep all your life experiences, your hurts, the beliefs you have been indoctrinated with, etc., and then realize that forgiveness is the willingness to do some closet cleaning. You can release those old shabby resentment-garments (beliefs/expectations/fears) that you keep in your closet (JAR) and now you have space to share with the ones you love.
It is easiest to describe unconditional love by an example; i.e., a very young baby. Many humans smile when they see a young baby. If you see a young child (say, two or three years old) walking by a baby, the young child will stop and try to hug the baby. It has been learned in a psychological experiment that when someone finds a wallet that contains a baby’s picture (a baby under two-years of age), they will stick the wallet in the mail to return the wallet to the owner 82% of the time. If the pictures are of older children or a spouse, the return rate drops to 34% of the time. A baby under age one obviously is an example of unconditional love; they don’t know what reciprocity means.
Another type of unconditional love that is very difficult to define is a very complex drive that deals with survival of the species. It is complex in that an individual will take actions to save someone else’s life even when the risk invokes that individual’s deepest primal fear. We hear of a parent running back into their burning home to save their child. We sometimes hear from a friend about a relative giving up a kidney to save a loved one; or a fireman who pulls a car wreck victim from a burning SUV.
Why is it so hard to practice unconditional love? For starters, most of us have not experienced unconditional love. Humans tend to learn from experience. Our experiences create the language we communicate with. Listen to someone speaking and you will hear their child hood and their live experiences pouring out through the language of their conversations. Listen closely to someone speaking and you can get to know their parents, their spouses, their religious leaders and you will not have to even physically meet these other characters from their life. If you want to know what kind of spouse your boy/girl friend will make, get to know his/her family. You are marrying all of them; not because they will be physically living with you, but because they all live in your spouse’s JAR (unconscious). They will all be speaking with you every time your spouse opens his/her mouth. And, mind you, every time you speak, all of your relatives, teachers, religious and government leaders, etc., will be speaking through you! So what has all of this got to do with love? Well, for starters, these are the strings attached to love. They are all the rules you were indoctrinated with from the time you were born (your JAR).
Unconditional love then requires an individual to
· reside in present time – being aware of what is housed in their JAR (unconscious);
· take responsibility for his/her thoughts and actions – making choices and decisions based in present consciousness;
· use their free will, examine what beliefs, etc., are in your JAR, then decide which ones are useful and which ones you are ready to release;
· and then, in effect, grant the other person the use of their free will (no strings attached).
So as the Elvis Presley song goes, Love Me Tender, Love Me True!
last edited on June 13th, 2010 at 6:55 PM